If there's anything that is going to strain family relationships, it's a wedding. This is the most magical, memorable day of your life, and the movie you've been playing in your head since you were a little girl is probably not the same movie your parents have been playing in their heads.
This is why wedding planning and everything that goes in to making your Gilbert wedding perfect for YOU can cause some friction for those who have a different idea of what your big day should be like.
Even the royal family is having it's own set of family wedding drama right now, and if you are following Meghan Markle's father drama, you know that this kind of family tension is completely normal.
So, today let's take a moment to offer some tips and advice from the Gilbert wedding pro's on the subject of family tension and weddings...
According to Glamour.com: I learned that the most important skill a bride can have is mindfulness—not only of her family members' situations, but of the person to whom she is pledging lifelong devotion. "Standing together as a couple from the beginning," says Maslin, "is the key to making both a wedding and a marriage work—one that no mother or mother-in-law can tear apart."
14 Tips to Help Keep the Peace
You may not be able to eliminate the crazy, but there are ways to minimize it.
1. Unite In Prematrimony
"Don't have a single conversation with your family about wedding details in which you and your fiancé are not united," says Bonnie Maslin.
2. Outsource Make an appointment with your fiancé to see a neutral party (therapist, minister) to discuss potential issues and how to handle them together.
3. Tweak Tradition
Relatives angling, elbows out, for honors? Consider walking the aisle solo or nixing a bridal party.
4. Enlist an Emotional Ombudsman
Rely on a friend for counsel and deflection.
5. Get Creative
For instance: "If your mom is single, ask if she wants to bring a buddy for support," advises Maslin.
6. Be Generous
Consider putting all parents on the invitation, regardless of who's paying. If they feel invested, they're likely to behave better.
7. Allot Time to Talk
Announce to your family that you'll be free to discuss nonlogistical wedding issues for an hour a week at a specific time. Then stick to that.
8. Take Charge
You don't have to bow down reflexively to every person's needs. Make sure you and your fiancé feel comfortable with the decisions being made.
9. Lighten up
If you can hold onto your sense of humor when all those around you are losing theirs, you might just have the time of your life.
10. Practice Non-Avoidance
"People think talking about a situation will stir it up, but the opposite is true," says Bonnie Maslin. "A mother who is given the chance to say, It kills me that your father is going to be there with his new wife,' is the mother who is less likely to throw a glass of champagne in anger."
11. Channel Oprah
"Start conversations with questions," says Maslin. "Don't interrogate, which can create defensiveness. Instead, be open to discovery. If your dad has a potential issue, ask, Is this hard for you?' "
12. Respond, Don't React
"Responding means you've had an intervening thought, such as, This situation is complicated for this person," she says. "Don't act in kind but in kindness. You can't go wrong with empathy."
13. Take a Time-Out
You don't have to RSVP yes to every fight you're invited to. If your sister starts getting feisty, Maslin counsels, "say, This isn't going to be productive.' " Raise the topic again when tempers cool.
14. Strike the Right Tone
"Instead of saying to your fiancé, I hate your mother, so you need to talk to her,' try, This is a painful situation for me, and I need your help to get through it.' It's the difference between asking someone to have your back and demanding that they execute your need."
Overall, the most important thing to remember is that it's not just your family. This is normal and something we see here at Val Vista Lakes more often than not simply because of the stress that can be involved with planning a wedding.